This sounds horribly silly but saturday night while watching the Moody girls, I was watching High School Musical 3. It actually turned out to be really good (don't judge me). So the movie ended and the girls were in bed so I decided to watch the bonus features on the DVD. Well, there is only one and it's called "The Final Goodbye". It shows the cast members talking about the ending of the movie and them saying goodbye to each other and what not. Well, Corbin Bleu said something towards the end of it that really really got to me. He said that when the final curtain fell in the last scene of the movie it was like his childhood ended. It was him saying goodbye and realizing that its over. He is now an adult and needs to live like such.
Well, the movie itself is about their Senior year of high school. Their last year. Their final year as children. And it really got me to thinking. Uh-oh! Now we're in trouble. Mari's thinking again. This next year is my last year as a "child". It is my final year to make the best of my childhood. This summer is my last year at camp. I will only have one more chance to go to prom (i'm missing this years). My life so far, especially this past year, has been pretty great. Yeah, i've had a bunch of crap go on, but who doesn't? But I'm going to have to start making decisions soon that will help mold the rest of my life. And it scares me. Don't get me wrong, I DO want to grow up. I want to move out, I want to live my life. And I know i'll make new memories... i'm just not so sure that they're gonna be quite like the ones I have now. And... I don't know if i'm ready to leave the ones I do have, behind. I have a year to pick a college (I'll probably go to the community college for my basics) and my major. I have narrowed it down to a couple of things but the more I think about it, the more things I come up with. And it just confuses me even more. I know that this is something I need to be prayerful about. And be prayerful I will. But somehow I think that there is some other underlying emotion behind all of this. I'm still trying to figure out what it is. I think that it may be the lack of confidence in myself. I really don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can make these decisions to the best of my abilities. I dont know if I can make the best of what time I DO have left. And that scares me even more. Poor Jessica had to hear this little panic attack of mine (I was texting her) while all these different thoughts and emotions were running through my head. I thank Heavenly Father every day for the people that are in my life. Especially my friends. I don't know what I would do without them.
So, I'm gonna try my hardest. And I'm not going to regret a single bit of it. I have so little time left, I'm gonna spend it in the best of ways.
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Dearest Mari! I remember what you called "panicking" through texting the other day. I am not poor. It was perfectly alright for you to state your concerns at the time, and the things that you are facing. Dare to be you. Just pray, and HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF. Know that you are the best judge of the duties you are to perform, and the influnence you will have in other's lives, and have had in others lives. :) Don't lose faith, and continue down the path you're on, you'll be fine. Stand up for what you believe in, and love life! See you very very soon!
ReplyDeleteJess-
You know Mari, we all reach this cross road. And it scares the CRAP out of us.
ReplyDeleteI'm not trying to justify what I've done to everyone involved, and everyone knows who they are. But don't let yourself get so panicked about everything that you end up hurting, and pushing away the ones that are the best in our lives. Trust me, there will be a point where you'll freak out, and not act like yourself at all. You'll become NOT YOU... But in that instance, you'll learn a great lesson. You'll learn to love WHO you TRULY are. And it'll be amazing. I know that with these dreams, that I'm getting answers to prayers. And it's my FAVORITE way of getting answers! While I'm not awake, worrying... I'm getting answers! I have no idea when they'll actually happen, but to get a glimpse of what the future holds... is an excellent feeling. Prayer is so important. Do NOT stray as far as I have, Mari. Don't let the Adversary ever put enough thoughts into your head to where you would ever TRULY believe that those you love most, would hate you. It's a poison that takes a LONG time to get out of your system. But if you do... if it is a lesson the Lord see's fit that you learn yourself, remember that the light will come.
It's always there, you just get to go the distance of catching up to it. Even though it's right in front of you, you've still got to go the distance.
I love you, Mari! You're a great body guard at dances, and I know that whatever you choose to do, you'll do with all your heart. Because that's just who you are, Mari!
I love you TONS! It'll be 11 years Mari! This year, is 11 years. Can you BELIEVE it?!
Sure do love ya! =)
-Tali-ali-oxen-free
Our lives unfold one day at a time. Most likely because we cannot handle more than that. Our lives are a grand journey. We are always continually learning and growing until we die. The thing to remember is we are not alone. He is there with us, always. Yes, we will make mistakes; but that is OK. He knows how frail we are and is there to pick us up when we fall. So we don't need to fear. Sometimes we lose sight of the fact that our lives are not our own. It's not about us. We've been bought with the price of His blood. In his own time, God will reveal to you the purpose and mission for your life. So be joyful! You are soooo loved!
ReplyDeleteMom