This sounds horribly silly but saturday night while watching the Moody girls, I was watching High School Musical 3. It actually turned out to be really good (don't judge me). So the movie ended and the girls were in bed so I decided to watch the bonus features on the DVD. Well, there is only one and it's called "The Final Goodbye". It shows the cast members talking about the ending of the movie and them saying goodbye to each other and what not. Well, Corbin Bleu said something towards the end of it that really really got to me. He said that when the final curtain fell in the last scene of the movie it was like his childhood ended. It was him saying goodbye and realizing that its over. He is now an adult and needs to live like such.
Well, the movie itself is about their Senior year of high school. Their last year. Their final year as children. And it really got me to thinking. Uh-oh! Now we're in trouble. Mari's thinking again. This next year is my last year as a "child". It is my final year to make the best of my childhood. This summer is my last year at camp. I will only have one more chance to go to prom (i'm missing this years). My life so far, especially this past year, has been pretty great. Yeah, i've had a bunch of crap go on, but who doesn't? But I'm going to have to start making decisions soon that will help mold the rest of my life. And it scares me. Don't get me wrong, I DO want to grow up. I want to move out, I want to live my life. And I know i'll make new memories... i'm just not so sure that they're gonna be quite like the ones I have now. And... I don't know if i'm ready to leave the ones I do have, behind. I have a year to pick a college (I'll probably go to the community college for my basics) and my major. I have narrowed it down to a couple of things but the more I think about it, the more things I come up with. And it just confuses me even more. I know that this is something I need to be prayerful about. And be prayerful I will. But somehow I think that there is some other underlying emotion behind all of this. I'm still trying to figure out what it is. I think that it may be the lack of confidence in myself. I really don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can make these decisions to the best of my abilities. I dont know if I can make the best of what time I DO have left. And that scares me even more. Poor Jessica had to hear this little panic attack of mine (I was texting her) while all these different thoughts and emotions were running through my head. I thank Heavenly Father every day for the people that are in my life. Especially my friends. I don't know what I would do without them.
So, I'm gonna try my hardest. And I'm not going to regret a single bit of it. I have so little time left, I'm gonna spend it in the best of ways.
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